I Never Deserved You
by Deathcrest
Summary: All I wanted, all I needed was you in my arms. Yet my pride and self-confidence made me let go of you. And now, here I am. Saying goodbye for the last time.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I Do nOt own FMA, if I did then it would be a tragedy...

Riza receives a letter about Roy's decision.

Dear Riza,

I know that you're frustrated and sad that I left you and the others behind but it was for the better. I can't take it anymore, Riza. The many Ishvalans that I led a genocide on is haunting me. The voices of those people, especially Miss Rockbell's parents. I'm sorry that I had to do this but I can't risk destroying everything you and the others have worked for.  
I failed in achieving my goal to become the Fuhrer and I failed in the goal of changing this country.

Not only did I fail in something like that but I also lost something more important to me. I lost you. I know it sounds cliche but the moment you agreed to become Havoc's wife tore me apart. I guess I deserved it didn't I? I was always the womanizer, going as far as stealing Havoc's girlfriends.  
Guess it's just karma.

To make everything clear,Riza Hawkeye, I love you. And I will always. I know you hate me. You despise me for mistreating and ignoring you.  
And because of that I deserve to die. I'm ending my life right here and now. You told me you loved me but what did I do? I laughed, joked and even protested at the statement.  
Lies. We both knew what we feel to each other. That was my biggest mistake.

After the moment you became engaged to Havoc and resigned from the military, I realized that I really did love you. You were waiting for me and I trampled the moment that somebody, despite the war, the murder,  
the genocide and the hate, there was still someone who looked for,no,loved me. Death seems to be the best solution. Everyone who had ever grown to love me ended up hurt and in pain because of my own selfish desires.

After you read this, don't mourn for me. No one would. Why would they mourn the death of a maverick? Why would YOU mourn for someone who has cared for you, trained you, protected you and broke you?  
And my beloved Riza, when I die, I want you to burn my body and scatter the remains on the desert outskirts of Ishval.

Why?

Because I deserved to die. Alone. Hurted. Pitiful. Unremebered and unmourned.

Because I deserved it, for not loving you.

Love,  
├Roy Mustang├

Riza read the letter again and again, continously crying.

"Roy...why?...please...don't leave me...please..."Riza wailed in between sobs. She pulled the gun out of its holster and cocked it against her head.

"I love you, Roy...Even In Death...my love goes on..."

A gunshot rang through the empty streets of Central. A man looked up to the moon, readying his knife.

" Riza...Why did you do it?...I never wanted you to leave..." And with that, the black haired man slitted his throat.

"Goodbye...Riza"

Fin

Author's Note:

Again...don't have the slightest idea...


	2. Gone Away

Roy Mustang woke up in a sudden fit. Sweat profusely cascaded down his naked, muscled chest as it heaved in panic. He pushed his hair with his left hand as his right was on his chest.  
It was a very frightening dream. No, it wasn't frightening. That was to polite. It was horrifying. He could never imagine Riza doing that. Killing herself because of him was fear incarnate. He could still feel the cold clutches of death even when he woke up.

Riza.

Roy had to get to her. He had to. He couldn't take it if the dream came true. That would be more than fear incarnate, it would be Perdition Himself. Roy jumped off the bed and searched frantically for his pants. He found it and began to wear it while looking around for a shirt. He saw his crimson shirt not far away from him. He ran to it and slipped in. While leaving his room, he took out his shoes. As fast as he had dressed, he was off to Riza's apartment.  
When he arrived, Roy knocked loudly. He was in distress, sweat was falling down his cheek and his hair was still ruffled. He looked mad.  
Having heard a groan from the inside, Roy continued to knock until the door latch loosened. The door opened to reveal a very irritated Riza Hawkeye. Her hair was in disarray and she was only wearing a light blue blouse with golden pajamas. If the situation was less dire, Riza could have shot her superior for waking her up around 2 in the morning. But after seeing the panic being overwhelmed by relief, she reconsidered the matter.

"Sir, how can I help you?" Riza asked. Her superior stood for a moment before his arms were suddenly enveloping her in a hard embrace. His face buried into her shoulder while Riza stood there in shock.

"Sir! What are you doing?" Riza tried to push away but his body was too strong. Not only that but a blush kept on creeping into her face. She could her muffled sobs and felt something wet on her shoulder.

"Roy, what's wrong?" Calling him by his first name was something Riza only used in critical situations like this. His arms never slackened and he continued to sob on her shoulder. In a manner of comforting, Riza hugged the Colonel back. After his sobs subsided, Roy pulled his face away from her shoulder and stared at his subordinate's face tenderly.

"You won't leave me, right? Riza, promise me you won't leave me. Please?" He begged, his face stricken with distraught. Riza could still see the tear marks on his face. She reassured him by cupping his face in her hands.

"Never. I will never leave you, Roy. I love you too much to hurt you like that." Riza had finally said it. She had finally disclosed her feelings for a long time. She stood there waiting for Roy's reaction. He went rigid when she had said it. For all those years, he had never thought that Riza loved him back. Yes, Roy was in love with Riza. He had never been able to summon the courage to say those words. It felt like rapture.

"I love you too, Riza. I need you in my life." Roy replied through the face of sadness and despondence. With that, he tenderly and softly kissed Riza's lips. This was not of passion, it was from the comforting presence in him that made him kiss her.

After they broke up, Riza removed herself from Roy's grip. Roy did it reluctantly though, as if that she would dissolve into air the moment he let go. Riza pulled Roy inside the apartment by the hand and closed the door. She made him sit on one of the wooden benches.  
The entire house was silent since Black Hayate managed to sleep through the noise. Riza noticed that Roy looked tired, frightened and alone.

"You need to sleep, Roy." Riza remarked, her hand softly squeezing Roy's shoulder for reassurance. He was needing a lot of reassurance tonight. For a moment, Riza swore she saw a flicker of pain and horror in his eyes. But as fast it had came, it left with the same hurried pace.

"I don't want to....remember." Roy whispered. Riza kneeled in front of Roy as he embraced her again.

"Don't worry. I won't go away. I promise. Please, just sleep. Do it for me, please?" Riza asked. Roy hesitated for a moment, unsure of what he should do. After a few moments, Roy nodded.

"I'll still be here when you wake up." Riza comforted as she made Roy lie down on her bed. It was not big but was enough to fit his large physique. Riza helped Roy get out of his shoes as he layed down on the soft, white matress. Riza began to leave as she looked for a chair but was stopped by Roy holding her hand. She turned her head to him with that encouraging smile of hers.

"Sleep with me. I don't want to lose you like the way I lost Maes." Roy pleaded. This was one of those few moments where the confident Flame Alchemist turned into a terrified and confused child. This was where Roy was very broken and Riza was more than ready to mend him.

"Of course, Roy. You won't lose me. I won't allow that." Roy smiled in relief. He moved farther as Riza climbed into the bed. She crawled under the blanket with Roy and reached out to turn the light from the lamp off. She turned her back to face the other way as Roy's arms captured her. Yes, they were finally together. She had promised to never leave him and she would fulfill that promise. Even in death.

Funny. Riza felt as if she had already spoken those words not too long ago. Pushing the thought aside, Riza began to drift into sleep.

As Roy heard Riza fall asleep through her now even breathing, he can't help but ponder. He felt as if he was in a dream. Everything he had wanted was now in his arms, sleeping peacefully. Would this really last?  
He relieved himself. He would make this work. He will never let Riza kill herself. She was his now and he was hers. That would always remain. Even after forever. 


End file.
